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Saturday, December 24, 2011

Twas the night before Christmas in The Luckett Compound

Twas the night before Christmas and all through The Luckett Compound not a creature was stirring nor to be found. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care when Jorge and Jaden heard a noise and came down to see who was there. "It must be Santa Clause that jolly old elf" said Jorge "hurry up Jaden let's and go see for ourself!" The kids came down with a leap and a jump down to the livingroom where they heard a great bump. They spun around in shock and awe both  overwhelmed and amazed at what they saw. All around smashing in windows and crashing in the front door zombies, zombies and zombies galore. The Luckett children stood in silence with chills afraid to move a muscle they huddled perfectly still. They both secretly wished they'd stayed in bed but now they were trapped and facing the undead. With bodies broken and torn asunder how these vile zombies could move was more than a wonder. From the top of the stairs came dad, mom and Kyle with all types of racket and clatter. Called dad "What's going on down here and you two had better not scatter!" Jaden chimed in "we're being attacked by Zombies that's whats the matter!" The Lucketts came together in the center of the room backing down to an empty fireplace fearing their doom. Zombies to the left and zombies to the right spoke Kyle "I cant believe we're being attacked by zombies on Christmas night!" Lorraine looked longingly at her husband her mate he must know something to save the family this fate. "Honey!" She cried "before it's to late you must know something we can not wait! You're a zombie expert your knowledge on this subject is abundant like wealth!" He looked to his wife "baby I'm so scared I'm about to shit on myself!" From above on the rooftop came a bang that made them all stop. There was movement on the roof from somewhere up top . Down the chimney came a red sack bursting at the seems filled with loot. Then came two legs and two feet each covered with a big black boot. The Lucketts smiled with glee then a pause it was their favorite Compound member none other than Santa Clause! "Merry Christmas Lucketts I've returned like a prodigal son!" Santa knelt down before the children "are you ready to have fun?" Then from his jolly red sack he produced a shotgun. "I've come here with cheer and presents to give stand behind me if you want to live!" The Lucketts stood there with looks of utter shock as Santa Clause stood and gave his shotgun a cock. On his rosey red face was a wiry grin it was time to the shooting begin. St. Nick knew the trick was to be oh so quick when sending the living dead dack to hell his belly shook with each powerful shell. With each massive golved mit he continued squeezing the trigger as fast as he could pull it. It was so clear even from the start as Santa blew zombie after zombie apart. That he was oh so skilled at delivering good will and knocking zombies down for the kill. Santa was a blur who moved with a streak decapitating any corpse within his reach. Finally the room stood quiet in a hush as Santa stood slient slightly winded from his bloodlust. With not a zombie left in the Lucketts humble abode Santa Clause took this time to reload. All about the room danced gunsmoke thick arcid and white as Santa said "Im gonna kill all these motherfuckers tonight! I love to spread peace and joy to every nation but I truly dispise those undead abominations. Mr. Luckett up to the broken windows you must put boards. For I fear We've not seen the last of this zombie horde." Under tree he tossed gifts before grabbing his bag for a quick lift he disappeared up the chimney quite swift. To his sleigh for a seat with nine prancing reindeer so awesome and neat. In a flash they were off and before he disappeared from sight. He cried "Merry Christmas to all and aim for the head if you want survive the night!" Jamal Lucketts mind was clouded with mist "when I get to work tomorrow they'll never believe this shit!"
Merry Christmas From The Lucketts

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Come one come all!

So Long, and Thanks for All the Brains

Included here in this jam packed Anthology is a tragic yet beautiful story I wrote named "Dry Rot." Its set in Americas infancy against a back drop of love and a Lepor Colony. All based on an idea given to me by my lovely wife!

Yeah try and piece that together!

Coming soon in print and other eformats.

10 Things you never knew about survivors of a zombie apocalypse

10. Believe it or not people still have to go to the bathroom. Although no one ever mentions it.

9. Most people who think they'd survive a zombie apocalypse are so over confident. They usually die within the first 15 mins of the outbreak.

8. The vast majority of parents forget to include their own children in their survival plans. This is known as "TCAE" or "The Casey Anthony Effect."

7. After the Apocalypse "Fast Food" refers to people.

6. Survivors don't randomly have sex with each other. As fear of being eaten alive and an extreme lack of personal hygiene. Will just kill the mood in general.

5.During and after the apocalypse the primary reason humanity will go extinct is humans. For example people in a position of authority cops and especially military personnel become extremely untrustworthy. They actually become the enemy!

4. There is no logic to it but in a zombie apocalypse people who society considers abnormal and outsiders. Will out live everyone else.

3. People who are loud and obnoxious will die first. As they will draw tons of attention to themselves. On a side note not all of their deaths will be caused by zombies. Annoying bastards.

2. There will be thousands of people who are suicidal. Find a couple to hang with you and your party. You never know when a sacrificial lamb will be needed! Dont let a perfectly good suicide go to waste.

1. Trying anythin you've ever seen in a movie will get your dumbass killed. Why you dont have a stuntman, do overs and the zombies arent actors playing zombies. They are zombies playing eat the helmet running through the mall screaming.